Is your partner’s vape a third wheel in your relationship?

Does it ever feel like your partner is more excited to see their vape than they are to see you? If a vape is taking up residency on your nightstand or if date night includes clouds of strawberry-kiwi flavored air, the answer may be yes.

If you’d like to broach the conversation with your partner about quitting vaping or smoking, the first thing to acknowledge is that they may not be ready to quit–and that is okay. They likely know about the health risks, and a reminder can make them feel judged. Instead, approach this conversation with a supportive, open-minded attitude and remind them that you will support them if they quit, cut back, or if they aren’t ready to talk about it.

If your partner is ready to quit, we’ve thought through some tips to help you support them at every stage.

Ask your partner how you can be helpful.

This may seem obvious, but it may surprise you how impactful it can be to directly ask what your partner needs. Quitting ends a behavior that provides structure, stress-relief, and comfort–asking how you can help can go a long way.

Dr. J. Taylor Hays, the director of the Mayo Clinic’s Nicotine Dependence Center , constructs an exercise where clinicians ask family members to list what they do to help their loved ones, and clinicians ask patients to list what they think their families can do to help. According to Dr. Hays, the lists are often dramatically different.

This exercise reveals just how essential it can be to create an atmosphere where your partner can tell you what they feel will be helpful–and be open to your partner’s notion of what’s helpful being different than your own. Speak with them about how often they want you to ask them how they’re doing, and ask how they are feeling, not just if they have vaped or smoked that day.

Accept the changes.

Quitting can be emotional, and many people liken quitting to a breakup. While, yes, it is a little funny to support your partner through a breakup, take on this process with the same care and patience you’d extend to a friend going through the end of a relationship.

Quitting is not a uniform experience. Smoking and vaping fills time, is a distraction, and is an effective coping method. Without this tool, potentially one they’ve had for years, your partner may need to find new approaches and habits, a process that requires some trial and error.

Particularly in the first month of quitting, anxiety, an inability to concentrate, and irritability are extremely common. Let your partner know that these feelings are real, and remind them that they are temporary.

Encourage without expectation.

Just as if you were quitting, know that slip-ups are a totally normal part of the process. Research indicates that it takes several attempts before a full year of cessation can be achieved–which is to say, slip-ups are not failures, but an essential part of the process. In the early stages, think of quitting more like a skill your partner is learning, and buying a vape or having a cigarette after drinks does not undo any progress.

Remind them that you care about them, that you don’t judge them, and encourage them to return to their quit when they are ready.

Accept and move through the slip-ups.

As with anyone pursuing a big change, encouragement is a meaningful form of support, especially from a partner. It’s important that this encouragement isn’t conditional, i.e. avoid encouragement attached to an “if” statement.

Instead, set small goals and reward often. Making it through a meal, a morning, a day is all worth commemorating–it’s also shown to be the most effective way to build habits. Remind your partner that what they are doing is challenging, and that you want to celebrate their progress.

Other forms of support can include doing simple chores and helping them with errands when they are experiencing a hard day, helping them get rid of any stray vapes or cigarettes, stocking up on water and snacks, and planning activities that take your partner out of the settings where they may usually vape or smoke.

Keep NRT handy.

Nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) is an over-the-counter smoking cessation product that comes in many forms (like Jones Nicotine Mints ) and doses (most commonly 2mg & 4mg ). When using NRT, you can double your chances of quitting successfully.

If your partner is new to the world of NRT, help them understand that by managing cravings with NRT, the impact of willpower in moments of stress or weakness is much greater.

The key to NRT is to take it as long as needed to quit, to take enough to curb cravings, and to use NRT correctly. To help your partner know how much NRT to take, the frequency they should take it, and the best dosage, direct them to the Jones Dependency Quiz . For more on why your partner shouldn’t quit cold turkey, read our blog .

Bring Jones mints along on your next date. They even come in a sleek tin that your partner can use out at drinks—no more stepping outside for a hit of strawberry-ice vape needed.

To conclude.

Supporting your partner on their journey to quit vaping or smoking requires patience, empathy, and steadfast understanding. It won't be easy, but with the right tools it is proven to help quitters stick to their goals.